Growing up with a nurse for a mom meant I didn’t get away with pretending to be sick, but getting sick meant that I got special attention and time out. So this became a learnt pattern for me, showing up when my self care got so low (which was fairly often until recently) that I would get sick so as to give this to myself or get care from others. Mom also believed in the power of the system, the Western style doctor and the church so I took on that belief and thought they knew much better than I did, they would be the ones to help me, to make me better, I just had to sit back and let them.
I started to take back my power with regards to my health by following my intuition as to where to seek help with those more knowledgeable than me, the one who resonates with me at the time and to check in with myself first instead of believing that they always know what is best for me. Working with my diet (sometimes getting it other times not) and exploring different healing options, creating an integrative medicine for myself, to fit my unique needs and being part of it all. My father once said that I thought I knew more than the doctors which is not true at all, however I have become more discerning, allowing for my intuition to have a say and use less blind faith in the person or modality. I do not discount the benefits of Western Medicine at all, keeping it for when I need it and where it is most effective. Every system, modality and way of healing has a place in this world. We are all unique individuals on our own journeys and I believe it’s for us to find what works for us from the smorgasbord on offer.
As part of empowering myself I also started to look at the emotional, mental and belief patterns that I held and which are documented by people like:
* Debbie Shapiro – Your Body Speaks Your Mind
* Louise Hay – Heal Yourself
* Sheila A. McBeath – ourspiritualnutrition.com
* Vianna Stibal – ThetaHealing® Disease and Disorder
and many others too. Understanding those patterns gave me a sense of taking back my power, being more self aware, more empowered to help myself, to be part of the healing team. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense or it’s a multilayered thing that’s complex and that’s okay too, just a different perspective and I don’t have to get hung up on it either.
I have to watch out that I don’t put all my power in whichever modality or practitioner I choose to help me on my journey and abdicate my responsibility, as the faith in my own ability to heal is just as important. I’m learning that a healer of any kind holds up a vibration level for me to be able to align myself to, so it’s up to me to do the work too. It is the vibration that person holds which is at that moment greater than mine and to which I can align, it is also not linked to their mastery or skill level at their chosen modality.
There’s times though when I’m in pain or I’m not getting better or am feeling overwhelmed that I lose faith or battle to be able to connect to my intuition, this is when I can fall back into that primal pattern that’s part of my family line and think the doctor knows best and will cure me. It’s at times like this that I am learning I need to reach out to friends and like minded people for help, to help build up my ego strength and trust in myself again, to take them with me so I don’t step into the people pleaser needing to be rescued mode again and if I do, to forgive myself and learn to accept that is where I am at, to avoid judging myself because I’m not where I’d like to be. To be kind and compassionate to me, it’s okay not to be okay or perfect 😉 – which is not always easy for me to do.
I’m learning that it’s all just a learning journey of exploration and I always have a choice, even if I don’t always like the choice, I can harmonise myself, to the best of my ability, to the one I pick even if that is by the default of not consciously choosing it.